Walking into a crowd can be an isolated experience or a riveting one. We look among ourselves, size up the competition and try to fit in if it helps us get what we want. This may not always sound like the high road or even the right thing to do, but it’s the truth. We want acceptance, and to be heard. Fitting in can sometimes create fear within us and hesitation; both of which lead us nowhere.
Symptoms of emotional isolation, bitterness and rejection are: stress, disease, mental and physical impairment and overall failure. Is an attitude where you accept others and allow their harmless presence to inform your environment really necessary to the whole? Yes! It’s literally better for your health. Inclusion creates a network that has more strength than anyone standing on their own two feet. Our brain recognizes difference as being unusual, and downright odd at times. It is however, the ONLY element of existence that insures growth, progress and evolutionary advancement. You reject difference, you stay the same. Boring. Known. Regular. You accept difference. You learn. Grow. Even succeed.
You see. I’ve learned that without acceptance, there’s no learning. Your mind stays closed, and shut from the world in which you live. Introspectively judging yourself and others for behaviors, appearances, and ideas leads to a dead end; every time. I used to be EXTREMELY judgmental, and not just because I’m half Asian. It’s true, our value system is vastly different than white folk. But there’s always the exception to the rule where this is concerned, and a judgy person is a judgy person, regardless of creed, and race. It’s also true that sometimes, judging is beneficial. It creates stability, and structure. Society would be absolute chaos without laws in place, because there are just too many stupid idiots running around. See? I’m judgy. Whatever.
This seems like an appropriate post for a quote (a very high society thing to do I know…quoting). Albert Camus stated: “man is the only creature who refuses to be what he really is.” How true is that?!?!?! Step back and think for a minute? His quote ultimately translates to the idea that people are ALWAYS trying to fit in. What a shame! How many opportunities of growth and learning have been lost among (or amongst? screw it, judge me!) poor souls who just wanted to be accepted? See, this is a PROBLEM. I don’t care what you think but it’s a fact that if people weren’t suppressed as children due to the social decorum chain of command, there would be a LOT more awesomeness and ideas in this world. Next time you see someone that you feel is a bit peculiar, instead of passing them up as a strange individual try and see just for a moment, from their perspective. You have no idea who they ARE! Honestly, you have no RIGHT to judge them. Talk to them if the opportunity arises and see just what makes them stand out so much in your eyes. Believe me, this is a work in progress for me too. But, it’s working.
Speaking of a work in progress, I think I’m going bald. So much for acceptance. The whole genetic idea of: “if your mom’s Dad isn’t bald, you won’t be” thing is a myth, because alleles and genes are mythical. Done. But hey, there’s a point to be made here! Receding hairlines, acne prone skin, skin color period, piercings, tattoos, race (a big one), sexuality (another BIG one), hobbies, schooling (WHERE you went to school, etc.), lifestyle choices, what sport you choose, who you choose to marry, where you work, how AWKWARD you are or aren’t…I’ll stop there, because it’s a never-ending list. From my point of view, it’s a testament to someone’s strength and willpower to stand up to what they believe in. Overcoming the fear of judgement from family, friends and people in general is probably the best lesson a child can learn. I think schools should push “difference” day. Make it a CHALLENGE to BE different and talk about THAT in class. I foresee innovation, brilliance, fearless trailblazing and everything positive should such a widespread idea be enforced in schools. This would make leaders out of introverts. Know what I mean?
You go to a job interview? Judged. Handing in your term paper. Judged. Audition? Judged. Performance? Judged. The Olympics? Judged. Date? Judged. Family reunion? Judged like the supreme effing court! This whole world judges us, but why? What in the world is going on? Seriously. Despite all the judging, this world is a mess. Now some of the items listed above NEED judges, but in business, and society at large I just wonder what kind of world we’d be in if everybody always said what they felt, ZERO filter. You ever meet someone like that? It’s refreshing right? Often times, they’re happy and strong and living an awesome life too! So, as somebody who followed the rules for so long, I’m making it an early 2018 resolution to say what I WANT to say to people I meet. I mean, unless it’s a meeting with some potential investors of course. My Jedi mind filter will have to be on overdrive in such instances unfortunately., because well, sadly, in that instance I need their money. Wah wah. Also, I’m voluntarily putting myself in a judgy situation.
Here comes the anecdotal references to real life figures. Pick one. I believe you can think of several. Margaret Thatcher, Churchill, big personalities (something I USED to judge as being obnoxious, then I realized it’s a necessary evil to truly be heard in the world). In school, I followed the rules, I got the grades, and I made an “impression.” I’m learning that true innovators and creative spirits in the world rely solely on one thing: challenging the status quo. “Challengers” is what business and marketing classes call them. The entire world economy is based on sales, and to sell something you need to be a challenger. Quite frankly, these people can be a pain in the neck to deal with. A BIG pain. Just look at the current U.S. president. Talk about zero filter. However, this kind of personality is fearless, and sometimes to a fault…but fearlessness is the focus here. Ms. Thatcher had a lot of it. Most politicians NEED this trait to surpass their competition and hold their own in the campaign trail. It’s also the trait that gets people elected president every four years. A lot of creative minds in start-ups and businesses thrive on new ideas, and often (sometimes mistakenly so) rely on younger hires to come up with novel ideas and strategies. Very few of these young hires are fearless however, and out of 7+ billion people in the world, wouldn’t you like to be a fearless one? I would.
When I go out in public, I actively look around to see if a group of white people have one or two members of another race among them. If they don’t, it doesn’t mean they’re racist. However, it always makes me wonder. I think hmm, maybe they’re just so secluded and haven’t ever traveled anywhere else. It could be, you never know. However in a city like Los Angeles? DOUBTFUL. This goes both ways of course. Going back to the University of Washington, I remember a fraternity that was exclusively Korean. There’s nothing wrong with showcasing your pride and attempting to educate others on your culture, but to close off membership because of race seemed incredibly counter intuitive. It could have been any fraternity. It just so happened to be Korean. I love Korea, and lived there for a while so it’s not like I don’t. Okay? Just an example.
So what does all this have to do with acceptance? For starters, I grew up in a very respectful household and community. My violin had to sound impeccable, my work had to be top notch to get the raise, my toes had to be pointed in gymnastics. But as I age (unfortunately, blah), I started to realize that unless somebody thought and acted exactly like their organization, workplace, group of friends even, they were much less likely to be heard…much less accepted. People like each other because they agree, reviews on Amazon exist because of…well marketing and balls to the wall pushing product in peoples faces. I digress. When people agree it’s great. There’s peace. But sometimes it’s over-rated.
Thus began my mission to be less of a diplomat. I used to pride myself on diplomacy. More and more however, I would just rather see people argue. I mean if you can’t beat them join them. I don’t argue that often, but when I do…well, that’s a different post. It sounds crazy. But arguments exist because there’s a point of contention between two people or groups. If they didn’t exist, we might as well eat fruit and live in Disneyland (which is really the best place on earth). Seriously, the real world has problems, and my nice conscience is steadily reforming into an argumentative one. You stare at me rudely in the gym several times, I’m going to ask if there’s a problem, because you’re judging me, and clearly there’s a misunderstanding brewing and I seek understanding.
This post is getting long.
Focusing on school, and extracurriculars, I didn’t truly notice what was happening until college. I went to a very diverse school: The University of Washington (Seattle). Asians made up approximately a 35%+ of the student population so I didn’t have a problem fitting in there. It was Seattle, which also meant the LGBT community and foreign culture exchange groups were also developing a stronghold. There is a lot of student run activity at such a large institution which is absent in smaller schools. This all-inclusive atmosphere is vital to insuring that a person understand…I repeat UNDERSTAND…the importance of nonsecular thought. Bigotry was also not tolerated. Now, if only this were the case in the real world huh? I am on the fence about calling someone out in public, because it’s really none of your business what that person is doing if you don’t know them. At the same time, if it’s completely rude or intolerable, this is when I throw the acceptance book out the window, because whatever they did is clearly UNACCEPTABLE.
Okay, now to play devil’s advocate. Complete nonconformity is a problem. It’s not all peaches and cream on the liberal end. Action-reaction right? So, in opposition of liberalism we have conservatism. Aka: why most people associate Republicans with the military; a misinformed point of view in my opinion. This world is built around groups. The ROOT of exactly what I’m writing about here. Groups with different modes of thought. Unfortunately these groups don’t always get along and countries have to defend themselves from “badness.” (My writing is so good isn’t it? Judge me!) So, uniformity can be a good thing in the sense of code of conduct, business structure, and or clothing for a purpose or cause. It shows what you stand for and helps inform others of your opinion. However, as somebody that constantly seeks balance in everything I do, you MUST ALWAYS SEEK A SECOND OPINION. One side of the story is never enough. You hear me? Person who’s glaring at me in the gym. You hear me? How about you just open your mouth and say something next time. Your looks are getting you nowhere in this world.
The large bone I also want to pick is with those who choose to associate themselves exclusively with their own kind. That choice is directly related to poor parenting, and possibly ignorance. The world is beautiful because there are so many points of view. Movies are great when the point of view is clear. They are terrible when it’s disjointed and all over the place. So respect the point of view, and state your own. Seek to understand it, and if you don’t? Fight to the death. Kidding. Or am I? I don’t know anymore. Just please read this article from Scientific American. You’ll be happy you did, and perhaps come to appreciate that my point is even backed by science, and statistics.
Now that you’ve read that article, remember the following fact:
Hate crimes are rising because of a lack of acceptance.
Please read that 10 times over.
Diversity works by “considering the alternatives in every case.” That is a borrowed quote from the above article. You see, I used to be the one cringing at people making sex jokes, gawking at people who wore their pants down to where you see their boxers, tsk tsk-ing people who talk with food in their mouth (the last one is a joke). Unless you cut in line, there are a lot of areas where I’m realizing I’ve been a bit TOO conservative. Swearing for example. I used to think it’s a reflection of how undisciplined somebody is. Quite the contrary. People who are smart as #$?! swear all the time. The trick is to do it tastefully, and with purpose…if that’s possible. Crazy right?!
Rather than pejoratively delineate any particular group or faction, let me just say this: the more you accept and seek to understand others, the better off YOU will be. Not the other people. You! I firmly stand by this. It’s just a sad sad situation how rare it is to find people of multiple races, looks, backgrounds, careers AND sexuality at the same lunch table, or hanging out together at the malls. They’re either rowdy testosterone driven alphas (and some are gay, so eat that you crazy idiot bigots who think all people act the same), pretty little liars (you know who are, you beautiful woman you), or the “other” category: punk, hipster, nerd, Asian (haha, seriously though). Clicks exist even as adults, and it’s JUST TOO BAD. I understand though, because sometimes you just don’t tolerate what the “other” is all about. But that doesn’t give you any right to shun them or act rudely towards “them.” Catch my drift folks? So, active listening is required, and sometimes compromise.
A coin has two sides. Both sides are beautiful. Picking a random individual from a crowd is like throwing a coin. Sometimes you get heads, sometimes you get tails. Sometimes someone swipes the coin mid air and you never even get to see the result. They’re lost forever, and you’ve just missed an opportunity; or dodged bullet. That’s the beauty chance. Life goes on. Before you take the next step however, make sure to at least make an effort to fully understand the whole picture. Word to the wise.
Acceptance shouldn’t be a problem unless it harms your health, family, friends, or livelihood. It’s nattaproblem.
Ciao,
Nattapon Jontom Abbett
Nattaproblem
Nattaproblem 
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